Another big step: I’ve been using photos of myself by Jacques Pontbriand (Rawdon, Qc) taken in 2003, as I’ve been: a) chicken to go before a camera again, and b) I’ve been lazy and c) there hasn’t been much reason to take that step, and d) Jacques’ photos were so lovely that it was tempting to use them forever, and e) vanity. I got older. Not always much fun to see evidence…
But thanks to photographer John W. MacDonald of Greely/Ottawa, who made me so comfortable, I have something I can use and not feel that I’m faking it. The evidence isn’t as hard to witness as I thought it would be. Thank you, John. Vanity, vanity… you’re so vain!
The issue is deeper I think, having thought in my teenage years, that I was so ugly that I felt bad for people who had to look at me. Something sticks from that, and yes, probably a good shrink would help. Go back to the mothers and the fathers, as Larkin insists. So there, I’ve bared part of my soul. I know too, that I’m not the only one who has felt this way. Am I not doing all right for an elderly bird!
I think I’ll go and write a poem.